He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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