Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
did i walk over a car last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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