At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
