uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
