I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
