Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
