Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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