Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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