He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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