you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
