i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
