she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
