she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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