why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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