saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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