Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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