FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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