legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
