..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
