I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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