I want to stick my p in your. b.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize