I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
