i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
