I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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