i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it hurts more in the daytime
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
