Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
