fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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