I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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