I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
