i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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