you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
