so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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