apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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