Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
