If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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