And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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