I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.