just tell him i said nine months
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??