the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.