This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.