1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.