Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
