that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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