two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM VODKA MAN
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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