I seem to have left my pride at pride
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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