he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
