She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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