Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
