In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
