he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
