I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
