I faked an abortion last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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