we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
