Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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