oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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