I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
please don't ironically join a cult
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