I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
