There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk is not a location!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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