wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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