My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
