just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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