toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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