sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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