oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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