they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
