is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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