is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
