I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
