Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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