I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
